Lately my rebellious spirit has been running wild. "I have been doing this for long enough I don't really need to write down everything I eat, I know what I can and can't eat." "I started running for heavens sakes, I don't need to be so picky about food." "I am running 3-4 times a week, if I want to go out to eat and eat a big dish of pasta, I deserve it." Now this is a fine distinction. For you these things may not be stumbling blocks in your life and I am not saying eating pasta is a sin. But for me, the feelings of pride, entitlement, gluttony, choosing the wide easy path instead of the difficult narrow path that leads to better health is sin in my life. And remember how my young daughter after receiving a punishment ran straight back to the sin with even less hesitancy and thought than before, that is how sin works, it draws us back again and again and it gets easier and easier to run into it's welcoming arms. But remember it also only feels good for a time. So I had that bad pasta dinner on Friday night because I was celebrating and it was weigh-in day and I rationalized it but seeing as I hadn't been doing any counting for several days and didn't calculate it, it was a big deal. So the next day I would be better right, wrong! I had a bagel for breakfast and at dinner we went to Red Robin. I ordered a greasy cheeseburger of the likes I haven't had in months. But sin only feels good for a time. I was only 2/3rds through that burger and the churning indigestion began to stir in my belly. I felt awful after eating that burger. In fact I am quite amazed that I ever thought that sort of food tasted good. The longer you purge that stuff from your diet it would seem the worse it actually tastes if you go back to it. And in every previous endeavor for me to lose weight I have always given up when the going got tough. Well not this time. However many times God gently or strongly has to teach me these lessons through my children or my own stupid tummy ache, I am open to learn it.
I also have been struggling with the pain of picking up the pace of the exercise. Being a physical therapist who sees injuries all day long, I am so paranoid about getting one myself. Last weekend I had quite a bit of soreness in my shins and I immediately thought, I can't run anymore I am getting shin splints. But I knew that was my own weak spirit trying to quit and my own fears taking over. I need to have that excuse so I can say later "Well I couldn't lose weight anymore because I couldn't exercise, I got shin splints" Not true. A little stretching, a little massage and I went running again on Monday and I was fine. I get an occasional twinge in my shin but I am not letting it defeat me. Then Monday's run brought on foot pain. I was all set to panic again. Instead I got a stellar foot massage from my husband last night, I am taking it easy today and then I am going to go back out there as soon as I rest it. I will not repeatedly fall into these snares. How fitting is this verse "Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles, and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us." Hebrews 12:1. Thanks for being my cloud of witnesses. You are what keeps me going. I know I may have to face a consequence at this weeks weigh-in, but regardless of the outcome I am working on myself and I will not quit.