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Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Breaking through barriers...

Monday night I had a little break down. Really it was sort of like an adult pout session.  I started to cry and complain that nothing in my life was fair.  That I was tired. That I didn't want to have to be "on" all the time, to count points and plan meals and exercise nonstop to do everything that everyone else seems to do all too easy and it was feeling all too much.  Beyond that I am attempting to blog about everything and try to be inspirational.  I didn't want to be inspirational.  I wanted someone else to inspire me.  I wanted someone else to plan my meals.  I wanted a mental break.  Yeah, like I said it was a major adult pout session.

Well rather than falling completely apart and throwing up my hands and quitting I went running with my family.  We did the whole 3 miles for the first time. The kids got filthy and dirty playing on the track.  There was a whole bunch of other people on the track so I felt a little self conscious at first but we did the whole 3 miles, that's another big barrier.  Now I just need to be able to run it! We came  home and had to do a whole big rig-a-ma-roll to bathe the kids and get them to bed.  Then my husband helped me do a little deep tissue to my shins. Tuesday I was sore in my legs, but in a good way, in a I actually pushed myself yesterday kind of way. 

So this morning I should be doing great right. I should be out of my slump.  But I wasn't I was in a funk all day, again.  I didn't feel good.  My kids were whiny.  I am so tired lately, apparently I can't run and stay up late anymore, which is a habit I have been meaning to break anyways.  Ugh. I listened to everyone talk about what an awesome day they were having and I was so jealous, why am I in such a mood?  I realized I was living this song...

I was struggling to live up to this picture perfect image that I thought I was supposed to be at all times.  That's pretty much impossible, have you ever tried this?

Who are you to tell me that I am less than what I should be? Who are you?
I don't need to listen to the list of things I should do? I won't try.
You don't define me.

I am going to use God's mirror.  He loves me even when he is disappointed by my complaining, my quitting early, my eating bad, my hating how I look in the mirror, my getting too impatient with my children, my ignoring my husband.  All the things I do that show that I am not paying attention to how God sees me. 

Two important things I learned, give yourself a break and pick your butt up and keep moving.  Give yourself a break.  If you screw up, get over it, it's not the end of the world.  You need to have a Plan B sometimes.  I know you all know it is exhausting coming up with interesting food all the time.  Don't get me wrong, just because I love to cook doesn't mean I always want to do it.  Doesn't mean I don't get daunted by the thought of coming up with a meal plan and shopping list and actually executing it.  If anything the accountability of knowing that I am sharing recipes with you keeps me going.  But sometimes you need a Plan B. Here are a few of my best Plan B's.

McDonald's, gasp! Most Mom's of kids know nothing makes little one's happier sometimes than a happy meal and hey let's not kid ourselves, the appeal of fast food is right there in the title.  So I wouldn't want to deprive my children of this occasional treat right? But what should I eat? Now doing weight watchers you can still eat their regular greasy food and I have a couple of times since starting this but beware those points add up fast, a medium fry is 10pts! So are the McChicken or Cheeseburger.  What my husband and I have found that we really like at McDonald's is the

Southwest Salad

As long as you get the grilled chicken this little filling beauty is only 8 pts and has quite a bit of kick to it! It's yummy. 

Tuesday I wanted to try a different one so I went over to Wendy's to try this gorgeousness!

Wendy's new Almond Berry Chicken Salad

This one is a little more costly, 11 pts.  But good and fresh. And easy to repeat at home if you wanted to.  But then again, the whole point is giving yourself a break.  Their chicken breast was so plump and juicy and delicious.  It really was a perfect meal.  Now beware, just because it's a salad doesn't mean it's free game.  The crispy version of the McDonald's salad adds 3 pts making it 11 like the Wendy's salad. And other restaurant chains like California Pizza Kitchen's BBQ Chicken Salad is a whopping 39 pts with a 100g of fat in the salad and Chili's Quesadilla Explosion Salad is also 38 pts.  Salad does not always equal healthy.  But the two pictured above get my stamp of approval.  So if you are going to give yourself a break, choose wisely. Another way I got a break tonight if by using one of my freezer meals.  I have done freezer meals myself, gone to a chain store to do them and most recently exchanged meals with a bunch of ladies in my church.  This one is called

Cherry Skillet Chicken

Cherry Skillet Chicken4 chicken breast
1/2 cup dried cherries, chopped
HOT water
1/2 cup chicken broth
2 tbsp balsamic vinegar
1 tsp sugar
1/3 tsp salt

Place cherries in a bowl and cover with hot water, let sit for 5 mins. In the mean time combine the rest of the ingredients in a zip top bag. Add in chicken and cherries. Release air from bag and freeze. When ready to cook thaw and add chicken to skillet with a little oil/cooking spray cook until chicken is cooked through and juice and cherries, bring to a boil and let cook down.

Now the lovely lady who gave me these gave me 4 monster size chicken breasts that I cut into 3rds so they would cook up faster.  In the end with side of potatoes, vegetable and watermelon I only ate one of the cutlets that was a third of a breast, which means it was only 2 pts!!! Normally I would probably have eaten at least 2 cutlets but we had several sides, I was tired and hot and had just ran so 1/3 was plenty, I still can't get over that, 2 pts!!!  Freezer meals are an awesome way to give yourself a break because you take care of the planning and shopping and chopping and mixing ahead of time and then you only have to do the baking or cooking relatively easily later when you are tired and your kids need dinner now and you really want a healthy homecooked meal but have no energy.  Done.

The other important thing I mentioned was to pick your butt up and keep going.  Very important.  I am sure I will be doing that a lot over the next year.  Which although almost 4 months in already it will take another solid year of losing at this rate to be at my goal.  That sounds like such a long ways a way.  But then again not.  I have had 10 years of living (just barely) a life that was not how I wanted it, not doing what I should be doing. Not doing life.  I am just beginning to feel the transformations.  Another year is really not that bad when you think of the last 10 years.  And really all I need to focus on is today.  When my husband got home this afternoon he saw that I was frazzled and frustrated and once again near tears and he said "What do I need to do?" Make me go running.  And we did.  As we got to the track I decided to push.  We ran one lap, then two, he looked at me under a lifted eyebrow (we hadn't done more than 2 laps at a time before) "How far we going?" "I'm not telling." I paused "OK I may be crazy but I want to do one mile without stopping." "You shouldn't have told me that, let's do this!" he said.  I did it too.  All four laps I thought my legs weren't going to make it but they did.  Then we walked a lap, man walking after running feels amazing.  Then it was time to run two more.  We repeated that pattern walk one, run two twice.  A total of 10 laps, 2.5 miles.  With 1/4 mile to and from the track 3 miles done.  I felt like I was going to quite literally fall and never get up again but I kept going.  A couple of times he had to run off and leave me to rescue the girls who were getting into trouble climbing the bleachers, getting the dog tangled up, following strangers around.  When he wasn't with me the desire to slow to a walk was strong.  Sometimes I would close my eyes, the words of the songs on my running playlist wash over me and they mean so much more, like sending love and positive messages right to my brain, drowning out the other voice that tells me to quit, that I can't do it.  I can do it. Less than three weeks ago I hadn't run in YEARS and tonight I ran a mile (and then two more 1/2 miles for a total of 2 miles running).  That is pretty awesome progress for 2.5 weeks.  The last lap of running the song Dare You to Move by Switchfoot came on in my ears. "I dare you to move, dare you to move, dare you to lift yourself off of the floor, I dare you to move like today never happened today never happened before."   I am going to keep on moving. Man it hurts sometimes.  But I am going to keep going.  I kept thinking tonight "I can't wait till this just feels easy" but I know when it does I will push further. I am going to keep pushing, trusting that the rewards are worth the pain.  Feeling blessed tonight, what a difference from earlier today, thank you for allowing me to share with you!

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