baby steps...

Wow! That didn't quite go like I planned.... I should just not make you promises apparently because when I don't deliver it gives me quite a guilt complex.  I think I said earlier this week "How can I face blogging again when everyone will know I am just a failure!?"  I was challenged this week to change that perspective. I watched a music video to a song I really love and it spoke to me even more.  Take a look for yourself...

I told my friend I have been setting the bar so impossibly high for myself and coming up short every time and then walking around with a cardboard sign that says "failure" on it.  This video gave me a nice visual to work on turning that sign over and reminding myself in God's eyes I am beloved.  Period. End of story.   Even beyond this realization I still struggle day in and day out.  Last night I shed some tears over my daughters report card (she is in Kindergarten for heavens sake) and she is extremely bright but the areas that her teacher noted she needed work to me pointed out another shortcoming in myself for not spending enough time on school stuff with her, it was another thing that I am supposed to put into my day that is already jam packed and much of which already revolves around the small people and not on myself and.....deep breath. Kleenex.  I am not a failure.  I am beloved.  OK so all this to say I realize my short term goals are struggling.  Week 2 didn't go well.  Then I looked at the challenge for week 3 and they were doing a silly little scavenger hunt and I didn't really want to do that so I thought I'd have a week 2 do-over.  But then I still didn't do it.   I don't know what is the problem.  Why last March I was so full of discipline that was unwavering and I was able to make such incredible positive changes and I have been struggling to get that back in the last few months. I heard a saying recently "If it is really important to you, you will find a way.  If it is not, you will find an excuse." Ouch.  That was so convicting.  Not just about diet and exercise but in other areas of my life that I claim as important.  Very convicting. But, I am going to keep trying.  I have more determination in me yet.  Ask my Momma about my determination.  When I was a little girl I would wrestle my parents and even though I was a little kid I would not give up until whichever parent I was wrestling with would surrender in exhaustion.  I was determined.  As a little girl when we were hiking up a big hill on a vacation, I ran the whole way up while my bigger sisters were dragging behind.  I may have been the youngest but I was not going to be the slowest too so keep up because I am giving it my all until I get to the top.  Somewhere under the skin of this worn-out 32 year old body lies that same spirit of determination and I am praying everyday that God will help me find it where I need it for today.  Baby steps.

I have an exercise goal.  I am staying with the 120-150 min a week.  I have my sights set on a race I want to run and I have accountability with a teammate which helps.  My accountability partner and I are also doing a two week challenge for giving up a food vice, if I seem grumpy over the next several weeks it's because I am giving up all candy, sweets and desserts, yikes, no tempting me please!!! We are also doing a challenge to focus on our relationships as Moms that we are channeling all that attention in positive ways.  I am continuing with the focus of Monthly goals but I think I will modify mine myself each month.  And rewards! I am giving myself a reward based on how many goals I completed.  Meet 1 goal it may be something small like a visit to Starbucks. Two or three something bigger like a new scrapbook supply.  Meet 4 maybe a new purse.  Meet all five goals and reward myself with a massage or a day to myself.  I should probably tell my husband about this part of my plan! :) This is doable and I am excited again. 

Made a lovely meal for dinner today. Yea! I am even cooking again!

Amanda's Baja Chipotle Chicken Burritos

(I literally made this up as I went along so measurements....not so much!)
Tortillas
Pkg boneless skinless chicken thighs
Lawry's Baja Chipotle marinade
2 colored peppers
Lettuce
Frozen corn
Cilantro
Green onion
Lime juice
Garlic salt
Pineapple
Sour cream/salsa/cheese
Minute rice
Chicken stock

First marinade the chicken thighs in 1/3 bottle of Lawry's Baja Chipotle marinade.  Grill (we used our indoor grill pan today and you will see why in a few minutes!) until done. 

We ended up with 6-7 gorgeous pieces of meat like this.  Chopped into bite size chunks and set aside.

Then in a separate bowl add chopped lettuce, chopped green onion, chopped cilantro (reserve a little) and chopped peppers.  Cook some frozen corn  (nice measurements huh?) and add to veges and toss with 2 Tbsp lime juice and a dash of garlic salt. Set aside.

Wow that's pretty!
Chop your pineapple into chunks reserve juice in container.
Cook your desired amount of rice (we were going for fast today so we used minute) and cook using chicken stock.  When finished add 2 Tbsp lime juice and the pineapple juice from the bottom of the pineapple container and the reserved cilantro and a few dashes of garlic salt.  Nice flavorful rice that looks like this.

Now you are ready to build your burrito.  Rice, chicken, veges, salsa, sour cream, pineapple and a sprinkling of Mexican cheese.  Good luck getting the thing closed.  Yum yum yum.... Want to see it again? I do.

So so so good.  Now what to do after dinner.  Well the reason I was nice and didn't ask my husband to grill outside is because of all the piles and piles of snow we got the last two days. My daughters were begging to go make a "Knowman" (the three year old can't say s's yet!) and so we all bundled up and out we went.  Remember how I said my husband was lame from a back injury (haha I can't resist calling him lame!) so I had my exercise cut out for me.

Don't judge me on my outfit! I have to wear his snow gear because I am not a snow person so I don't have any! Yeah I am hot, literally! 1 hour to plow (non motorized plow mind you) and shovel our huge driveway and sidewalks and porches.  I am so utterly spent!

I collapsed in the snow, it felt so good! I think good old fashioned hard work is so good for the soul.  What a beautiful day! I sweated harder than I do running sometimes and my lungs were feeling it! Thanks to my handiwork my oldest could take her little sister "Ledding" (again with the s's!)

Look at that nice clear sidewalk! And I lay in the snow and had this to look at...

And there is nothing wrong with that....

Thank you God for reminding me each day in both big and small ways that I am your beloved!!! And thank you whatever readers are still out there, for coming back and reading my blog even when I make mistakes.  Don't give up on me yet!